The Ladder to Self Knowledge

My first reaction to this assignment was rolling my eyes and heaving an over-dramatic sigh. I have come to associate the term “know thyself” with Disney movie morals like “beauty lies within” and “always believe in yourself”; they fit into a group once-powerful adages reduced to worn out clichés. However, now I realize my mistake. “Know thyself” is not simply a trite piece of advice, but a key part of the human experience. In fact, truly “knowing oneself” is one of the most notable achievements a person can accomplish.
Whether subconsciously or not, we constantly assess other people’s weaknesses, strengths, gifts, and shortcomings. Essentially, we judge others in attempts to “know” them, but rarely do we judge ourselves. This self-judgment would require us to ignore everyone else’s perceptions of us (as well as our own) and expose our own strengths and weaknesses. “Knowing oneself” is accepting our characteristics. That is to say, it is discovering our traits and flaws, and learning how to moderate them. When we “know ourselves” we are able to recognize when it is necessary to practice self-restraint, and how we can manipulate our strengths. Thus, with self knowledge we can attain personal balance, and eventually inner peace.
Over the course of about fifteen years, I have recognized that I think a lot. Of course I realize that everyone thinks, everyone is curious, and everyone spends time in reflection. However, my thinking leads me to the point of over-analyzing and obsessing. This total consumption of thought generates my greatest flaw: indecision. Not only is it the cause of my tendency to over pack, but I also blame it for my propensity to procrastinate, and for a majority of the anxiety I feel. I will spend hours or days vacillating between two options until someone or something chooses for me. I’ve found that I often wait until deadlines run out, or until my parents, completely frustrated, decide something for me. If I don’t have to make the final decision, I can avoid blaming myself for a disappointing outcome. I suppose it’s my fear of choosing wrong and, as a result, feeling regret that leaves me indecisive.
I know I’m in for a difficult period when it comes time for me to choose a college; I’m preparing myself a repeat of my third grade school dilemma. When I lived in East Haven, I was accepted to a magnet school that my sister already went to. Of course I was excited that I got in, and I understood it would be a great opportunity to expand my education. However, these rationalizations didn’t make deciding whether or not to go any easier. I was torn for weeks between leaving behind my friends and a place I was comfortable at for a completely new environment. My parents, set on letting me decide for myself, told me they would support whatever decision I made. It was clear, however, which school they favored when they offered to let me buy hot lunch three times a week and drive me in every morning if I chose the magnet school. Even with incentives, I put off my decision for weeks. In hindsight, I realize that I never really considered staying at my elementary school, but fear of regretting my decision crippled me from choosing for myself. Finally, the day before the deadline to decide, my parents signed me up for the magnet school.
To combat my indecisiveness, and subsequently make choosing my college easier, I have tried to think with better quality, and in less quantity. Instead of running over the same facts thirty times, I make pro-con lists. I try to stop cluttering my mind with “what-ifs” and instead think more of what I do know, and what my initial feelings were. Once I’ve made a decision, I try not to let myself talk myself out of it.
Although my thinking has caused me a lot of grief, it has helped me a great deal as well. I think my greatest strength is my ability to think rationally. Part of the reason I have trouble making decisions is because I think through each option I have and try to realistically assess what each means for me. When I’m in a difficult situation, I try to make up a course of action, instead of stewing on my misfortune.
Knowing oneself is difficult because it forces one to go against human nature. We human beings inherently have the sense to avoid pain; however, attaining self-knowledge requires a person to dive head first into it. Everyone has ugly qualities and characteristics that he is not proud of. Deciphering what these qualities are, and accepting the mistakes we tend to make because of them can be a painful process. However, only once we acknowledge our faults can we moderate them. Some people would rather live a life in denial, devoid of inner peace, than risk feeling the pain of the truth. For this reason, I think it is difficult for people to write about their = weaknesses. It makes us vulnerable when we stop covering up our inner selves, and start being honest. However, writing about one’s strengths can be just as difficult. Society has frowned upon being boastful and openly praising oneself because it can lead to conceit and self-importance. The qualities of modesty and humility are beat into our heads from childhood. Unfortunately, self-praise has become so stigmatized that we feel uncomfortable even discussing our strengths. Even though writing about my greatest strength and weakness was difficult, and a bit uncomfortable, I think it was important for me to do so. It placed me on the first few stairs of the ladder leading to my self-knowledge.